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Sun, May. 22nd, 2005, 02:54 am
saxihighlandck: Uh... Help?

Story Title: Music In the Heart ( http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1794035/1/ 

Fandom: Lord of the Rings

Author: SaxiActingChick05

Rating: T Status:

WIP Summary: Summary: Once again, a girl has fallen into Middle-Earth, but this time she is a clueless musician from Kansas. You know, that state in the middle US. (*Giggles* Get it?!.. *looks around* nevermind....) And she gets more than she bargins for. *I am admiting it... She is a Mary Sue  (me thinks)

Explanation: I think Shae is a sue.. But I kinda don't want her to be. I mean.. I wrote this.. when I was extermly bored and knew what a sue was but.. after reading horrible sue fics, I decided that I need help!

Sun, May. 22nd, 2005 04:28 pm (UTC)

Okay... First of all, what's the point of the story, other than to wean off boredom? Are you planning on exploring Bree, (which is good,) or going with the Fellowship? (Which is trite. It could be done well, but it's pretty damn cliche, if you'll pardon the language.) Why must they always come from modern earth? Would a local musician not serve just as well, or someone who has a logical reason for falling in? As of now, it's a cross between the "one time, at band camp" joke and the archetypical Sue.

A few things to keep in mind:
- Westron is not english. Can we get a babblefish or equivalent translator if you must make her from earth? (Please, I beg you, don't. Boz4PM pulled it off, but that's about the only one I've read that's ever managed any trace of realism.)

- She's pretty quick to recognise Aragorn. You don't have him trust her right away, which is nice, but I'd imagine a bit more fear, distrust, and confusion on both parts.

- I'm sorry, but the earth part is weak. I just skipped over most of the conversation, since they all end up sounding the same after a while. Just, please, no more Kansas. (By the way, thank you for avoiding the cliche line.)