Rating: R; violence and adult language
Reason: I'm aware of my strengths in writing, but I feel like I don't know what my flaws are, and I'm the sort of person who always wants to be improving something. I never assume there's no flaws just because I can't find them -- it just makes me nervous wondering what I'm missing. I'd really like to know, especially, if the whole scenario seems interesting to the reader or if it's just confusing. I might expand this into a much longer story, maybe even novel-length, but I'm not going to put the effort in if it's a fatally flawed idea inherently. I especially want to know if Delve 'works' as a character; Aaron, too. I'm less concerned about Seth and the nameless lizard woman, but if there's anything that hurts the reader there I'd still like to know. Thanks in advance! :)
Aaron Keenan paused, frowning to himself. Well, damn. That's inconvenient. He had been walking home from work, just like any other day, when he discovered a very un-routine occurrence in his path. Watching dirt dribble between the metal teeth of a ravenous earth-mover as it ripped the street apart, Aaron decided it was time to pick an alternate route.
Should I take the short-cut? The athletic young man was far from weak, but he knew it was best to be off the streets before dark. Once or twice in the past, he had made use of a jogging trail that cut right through Andrews Park, shaving half an hour off the trip. But didn't someone just get jumped back here? Aaron hummed to himself, scratching his forehead. It won't be fun dodging traffic downtown, but getting mugged or killed would be a lot less fun...
The path didn't do much to advertise itself. The park was heavily forested, and while the trail itself was clear and well-maintained, blackberry canes and other, less identifiable foliage formed gnarly thickets to either side. Aaron spotted three ideal spots for an ambush just standing at the entrance to the path.
Making up his mind, Aaron turned his back on the shortcut and made his way down Cutting Street, taking a left at Scorpion Way to make his way around the block, thus dodging the construction work. The shaggy-haired blond flatface scowled, wrinkling his nose against the smoggy fumes rising from the rush-hour traffic beside him. This is one time I'm glad I don't have a nose like a long-face.
Suddenly, Aaron felt a warning sensation in his gut, heard the tiniest rattle of something bearing down behind him. The pedestrian leaped backward into a side alley, just in time to avoid being hit by a bicyclist barreling down the sidewalk.
Aaron leaned forward, starting to shout something indignant after the bicycle rider.
As his mouth opened, however, a hand clamped quickly over it from behind. Simultaneously, something sharp pricked his throat.
Knowing he was in trouble, Aaron tried to run, to fight, to do something, anything. But a black abyss seemed to open at his feet, sucking away all will to run, to struggle, to cry out... and finally, all will to do anything at all.
Aaron sighed, falling into the hungry darkness.